


Bullets

by pitypartyof1



Series: Musical Inspiration [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Chicago Blackhawks, F/M, Hockey, M/M, Murder-Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 20:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4494411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitypartyof1/pseuds/pitypartyof1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song "Bullets" by Augustana</p><p>“Come fly down, like a singing bird, sings your name, I am still the same. Black and white, no you’re not to blame. Holly, sweet, put me down to shame. … She’s shaking in the car with the gun in her hands, falling over love and a sweet romance. And I ain’t never thought it could come down to this, a bullet in my head with the sweetest kiss.”</p><p> - "Bullets"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bullets

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Bullets" by Augustana
> 
> I wrote this at work, and while sick. I apologize if it's a bit choppy.
> 
> As always, I love to hear comments and feedback! :)

**_“Come fly down, like a singing bird, sings your name, I am still the same. Black and white, no you’re not to blame. Holly, sweet, put me down to shame. … She’s shaking in the car with the gun in her hands, falling over love and a sweet romance. And I ain’t never thought it could come down to this, a bullet in my head with the sweetest kiss.”_ **

—    **_“Bullets”_**

Jonny calls Lindsey out of the blue, asks her to come down and meet him at Millennium Park of all places. He’s been pretty busy lately, so she’s excited to spend some time with him. Feeling like it’s been longer than the few days it’s actually been since she last saw him, she settles behind the wheel. It’s a drive, but she figures it will be worth it. Jonny’s her boyfriend, she loves him, and she knows he’s a dork. Sometimes he likes to try to be romantic. She goes, and she smiles the whole way there, singing along to the radio.

They talk for a while, walking, but he seems off-balance somehow, nervous. She invites him to get dinner. He’s not hungry. Observing his body language worries her. He’s rubbing the back of his neck, won’t meet her eyes, keeping a space between them. She reaches out to place a hand on his arm, and he flinches away. When she questions him on it, he ducks his head yet again and swallows loudly.

Turns out he was not trying to be romantic, and now she’s not hungry either.

 Apparently, it’s called “neutral ground.” That’s the term Jonny uses. Breaking up with her was going to be hard, so he wanted to do it someplace that meant nothing to either of them. It would have been too much to do it at home, personal spaces polluted. Already, she’s pissed that he even assumes that it might have been okay to do it at his place. That he would have, if he hadn’t been worried about negativity polluting his space. Clearly, he was not worried about making her drive all the way there just to break her heart and send her home. Never mind the fact that he’s chosen to do it in public, for everyone to witness her humiliation, instead.

She cries silently as he tries to explain. Her world is falling apart, and somehow, hearing that he’s always favored men, but thought he could make himself change doesn’t make her feel better. It’s selfish as hell, but she doesn’t care about his struggle. Not right now. He led her on, doted on her, and said he loved her. He didn’t, he just didn’t want to love another man. So, he’s still the same, he couldn’t change. Where does that leave her? Head over heels in love with a man who is actively shoving her away, telling her that after all these years he never really wanted her. Of course he never meant to fall for Patrick, but he did. Those curls, and that smile? Even she came close.

Well, if he thought the people surrounding them would keep her from letting him know he’s awful, he was wrong. Quietly, she verbally tears him a new asshole, lets him know exactly what she thinks of him, and of Patrick. Jonny defends him, because of course he does, and yeah, she knows it’s not Patrick’s fault, but she’s livid and doesn’t want to hear it. She hisses all of his failings back at him, tears mixing with mascara and sliding down her face. At the end of it all, when she runs out of other things to say, her whispered, pleading “I love you” is still not enough.

It turns out that he hasn’t even told Patrick yet. Vindictiveness flows through her, and she almost wants to get there first, spill Jonny’s secret. Yet, another part of her thinks it would be much sweeter to see his face when Patrick says no. Deep down though, she’s even more fearful that Patrick will say _yes_. She can’t just give him over, not to anyone. She thinks of life without him and chokes.

The drive back home is a blur to her, she can hardly remember it. Through everything else swirling through her, she blindly hopes that she didn’t break many traffic laws. She spends endless minutes pacing through her place. Belatedly, she realizes she shaking and it only gets worse with the realization. Her muscles ache with the tension of holding herself together, and the worst part is, she knows she’s not even doing a very good job of it. Little pieces of her are falling apart one at a time and she’s helpless to stop it.

Deciding a hot shower might help, she makes her way to the bedroom and undresses quickly. Stepping under the hot spray does burn some of the anger out of her, but standing beneath the hot spray doesn’t ease her pain. Loss and longing fill her to the brim. She’s still shaking, picturing Jon and Pat together every time she so much as blinks. It’s going to kill her. As she steps out, dripping onto the bath mat, she makes a decision.

She just can’t stomach it, refuses to allow it. It’s this refusal and determination that made her decision for her, which brings her here now. Parked down the street from his house, with a pristine and loaded gun, and looking better than she’s ever looked. Her beauty will be the last thing he ever sees. She will be the last witness to his beauty as well. She plans on aiming high, so Patrick will never find him attractive.

Lindsey’s shaking, can’t believe she’s going to do it. _But_ , she thinks savagely, _he deserves it_. What was he thinking? That he could just toss her aside, and it would be okay? No. No one dumps her, and especially not for another man. It’s not acceptable, and she won’t let herself be treated this way, thrown aside like someone’s garbage. He belongs to her. She gave him everything. She’ll never love anyone like she loves him, she needs him. As she cradles the sleek metal in her lap, she remembers Jonny’s “It’s Not You” speech, and steels herself for what she’s about to do.

Pressing send on a text message pleading with him to let her in so she can apologize, she relaxes back into the seat to wait for a reply. Jonny’s got a little habit of needing to believe the best in people. That, and he hates leaving a fight on bad terms, would always rather talk it out. She’s not surprised when he invites her to come up moments later. _I’m coming for you, Jonny boy._

As she makes her way up the drive, she pats the small bulge in her bag for comfort. Knowing it’s right there, that she can end this shortly, it steadies her and she grins to herself before knocking. Straightening her face as he pulls the door open, she takes in his appearance. He looks lost, eyes and nose both red, and he’s wearing a crumpled undershirt rather than the button down of earlier. She can hear Sia playing somewhere within, and it strikes her just how much of a pathetic cliché Jonny is.

“Can I come in?”

He just nods at her, pulling the door open a bit wider and standing back to allow her to pass.

“I’m not going to fight anymore,” Jonny tells her as the door closes with a snap behind her.

She pastes an apologetic look on her face. “Look, I said I was here to make peace, didn’t I?”

Casting an appraising glance over her, Jonny seems to accept her words as genuine and makes for the living room.

“Oh,” she calls after him, “I almost forgot.”

She’ll never forget the contortion of shock and disbelief on his features when he turns and catches sight of the gun in her steady grip. She’s got it aimed directly at his mouth.

“Linds, what are you doing?” The words come out slowly, placatingly.

She’s pleased to note the tremor in his voice, she’s earned it. “Oh sweetie,” she murmurs in a patronizing tone, “you didn’t really think I’d let you turn me into a joke, did you?” He’s shaking his head quickly, hands coming up in a defensive gesture.

“I wasn’t,” he pleads, “Linds, I didn’t.”

She smiles winningly at him. “Oh, Jonny, but you did.”

“You can’t do this,” he asserts, voice terrified.

She glides over to him, he doesn’t move, but keeps his eyes trained on her. There’s sweat beading along his hair line. _Good_ , she thinks, _you really underestimated me, love_. Bringing her free hand to his face, she graces his cheekbone with the side of her hand, the lightest of strokes. “I think you’ll find I can,” she says, nuzzling the muzzle into his side.

He shivers, but stays rooted to the spot. “Why?”

The resignation in his tone breaks a laugh from her. “Love,” she addresses him, fingers tangling in fine brown hair, “you made me a fool. You made me yours, and truly, I was yours.” Pausing for a moment to breathe his scent from the spot where neck meets shoulder, she continues. “I can’t want anyone else, Jon. And after all this time, you can’t simply shunt me to the side. You’re mine, too, you see? You said you were, and I intend to hold you to it.”

She crushes their mouths together before he can respond, simultaneously bringing the muzzle to rest against Jon’s temple. Any protest he makes is muffled. She ignores him, sinking into the feeling of his lips on hers.

She pulls the trigger and feels him explode beneath her, over her. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she gazes down at him where his body now rests. Slowly, she lowers herself to her knees, taking his hand tenderly. Exhilaration and finality crash through her as she once again brings the sullied gun to bear. This time, she nestles it lovingly in her own lips. With a bang, her world goes dark.

 


End file.
